Harry Potter, The Manwhore
by PrincessDeja
Summary: Harry, now 17, is bored with his life and decides to have a little fun. Will his little "adventures" cost him his girlfriend, his friends,and maybe even his life. Rated M for Sex, Fighting, Baby mama drama, and STDS
1. Chapter 1

Harry Potter and His Goblet of ...Love

Harry Potter was now a young man of seventeen. He was of age and ready to expand his horizons. He was sick of living in fear, and rarely gaining any pleasure from life what so ever. Though the fierce fight against evil went on, Harry was a man who was tired of being inhibited, tired of waiting for fun to find him. Truthfully, if he wanted, Harry could stick his head out of a window and scream that he was horny, and no less than A thousand woman would apparate instantly, followed by a million more who had to get dressed because the had just left thier lovers. Yet Harry constantly looked for the right girl, the one who would rock his world mentally and physically. No girl was to be found, and if she came close she was already taken...

One evening as Harry lay awake staring at his erect manhood, thinking about how he'd make it go away, there was a soft knock on the door. Hurriedly Harry threw the cover and some pillows over himself and beckoned the person in. Through the darkened room, the only source of light being the lighted candle next to Harry's bed, Harry saw a tallish figure enter the room. Suddenly Harry's nostrils were filled with the scent of rose water and sugar cookies.

Harry if you fancy a night time snack I've baked a batch of bisquits. " said the voice of Hermione Granger

Thanks, Hermione." responded Harry. As Hermione turned to go Harry stopped her "Where are you going?

Out to see if any one else is awake to tell them

It was a week after Harry's seventeenth birthday and he had been spending the Holiday at the Burrow. Soon awaiting Bill and Fleur's wedding, all of the Weasley's were staying in the house, Though Fred and George bunked up with Ron and Harry got a room to himself. The doing of Mr. Weasley He thought that Harry was getting on with enough than to have to share a space with someone else.

What time is it?" asked Harry

A little after one, I was hungry so I whipped up a batch but I've made too many.

Is anyone else awake besides us?

I don't know, but I can't imagine that they would be, with all the work that's been going on

Yeah, they're probably all asleep, stay and talk to me awhile.

Okay

Harry wasn't sure what he was doing, he was still sporting a stiff wand. Hermione sat down on the end of his bed, and then positioned herself to where she was comfortably resting on her side, here head propped up against her hand. Harry could barely see her, so he moved the candle in between the two of them. Now Harry could see she had pulled her bushy mane untidely back from her face with her wand in it, and that she had on a silk night robe, emerald green.

How long have you been awake? She asked

Never got around to actually falling asleep. replied Harry

Me neither, I was hoping if I ate something that I'd be able to fall asleep. I've just been thinking so much, you know. You?

Yeah, I've been thinking alot, usually that's all I do... plus... I've got this massive hard on. Finished Harry, he was testing her reaction. She merely laughed and said sometimes that's what life brings you.

You're too cool Hermione

Why do you say that?

It has to be hard being best friends with two guys, you take it in stride though...

Thank you. Really though, you are my best friend we can do anything, talk about anything together and we'll always be friends.

Really?

Of course.

Harry debated on asking her to do what he was going to ask her to do. Do anything had to draw the line at that. No way could a frienship last if he asked what he wanted to ask. They could fight Death Eaters together, Dragons and other strange creatures together, even be covered in pus together, but there was one thing that would never be cool to do with one another.

Want to have sex with me Harry? asked Hermione

What?

I can tell that's what you're thinking about. How about it, I'm asking you, would you care to?

Hell...yes.

Harry moved the candle out of the way and moved the pillows and the cover showing his stiffened racing broom. He looked over at Hermione to see that she had a look of awe and longing on her face. Harry grabbed her by the arms and pulled her up to the top of the bed next to him. He began to kiss her passionately slipping his tongue into her mouth, she accepted it hungrily. Harry became conscious of the sucking sounds they were making and reached for his wand on the bed side table and nonverbally casted MUFFLATIO on the door.

He went back to kissing her all the while taking off her robe, revealing nothing but her smooth creamy skin. Hermione reached around him and helped Harry out of his night shirt. Harry moved down Hermione exploring her body with his mouth... then he got to work on her chamber of secrets with his tongue. Harry instantly was thankful for casting the spell because the screams coming from Hermione would have put a banshee to shame. Hermione wiggled and squirmed with joy grabbing Harry by the back of his head pushing him further into her. Soon her cum soaked the sheets.

Harry came up for air, inserting two fingers into her grounds. Hermione sat up and layed Harry down turning her body so Harry could still tease her mimbulous miltonia while she went to work on his licorice wand. Harry had no idea where Hermione had learned such technique, but was thankful for whatver book it had to be. First Hermione slipped her tongue into the head of Harry's cauldron sampling his unfinished potion, fining it to her pleasure she took the head into her mouth and suck it like a dementor sucks out a soul. Next she pulled her wand out of her hair and used it to create a warm stream of water that she made run over his sack of gallons over and over. While she did that Hermione let Harry's chocolate frog invade her mouth as though it were in search of wizarding cards, each time taking more and more of it in until it tickled her tonsils. Harry not being able to take it any more, released his minisrty officials in her throat and she swallowed every bit of it, like it was a potion of liquid euphoria.

They went back to kissing for a while until Harry was at attention again and ready go for round two. Standing up he Bent Hermione over the bed and entered her Triwizard tournament from behind. Again Hermione screamed as Harry plunged into the depths of her Black Lake like he was the Giant Squid. Harry fucked her something fierce until her cum ran down her inner thighs. Harry turned her over and rode her like it was the Quidditch world cup, again and again he knocked Hermioned quaffle in the goal post but he needed to find his snitch. Finding a rhythm Harry spotted that he was about to catch it. He reached out and grabbed the sucker, and collapsed on top of Hermione.

Hermione slowly moved from under him and retrieved her wand and robe. After she covered herself she cleaned up any evidence with her wand, stuck it back into her ponytail and went for the door.

Thank you Hermione. Whispered Harry

What are friends for Harry, see you in the morning, she replied

Good night. And with that Harry fell asleep instantly...


	2. Chapter 2

has been a week since Harry and Hermione's little rendevous, and Harry needed a change. He was still horny like hell. He was sitting in the Gryffindor Commom Room when a pretty red-headed girl sat down next to him.

"Hi, Harry." said Ginny Weasley.

"Hey, Gin. How's it goin'?"asked Harry.

"Fine." said Ginny."You ready for the match this Saturday?"

"Am I Ever! I can't wait to see the look on Smith's face when we beat them." said Harry.

For the next 25 minutes they talked about nothing but Quidditch. Then things started to get still had feelings for Harry, and she absolutely loathed his new girlfriend, Deja Moonwater, who was an exchange student from America. She thought now would be an opportunity to win Harry back. She straddled Harry on the couch and began kissing him. In his mind, Harry was thinking _I can't do this. I love Deja. I can't do this to her._ But he was horny, and Ginny was the only one available at the time. Harry's hands roamed up Ginny's shirt and he started to feel her up. Ginny moaned softly. Harry became so hard it was painful.

"I see your little friend wants to join the fun." Ginny said slyly.

Ginny undid Harry's pants and pulled them off. Then Ginny took off her shirt and unclasped her bra, revealing her C-sized breasts. Harry began to massage them, making Ginny moan. Ginny began massaging Harry's manhood, stroking it gently.

"Oh God, Ginny." Harry moaned

He couldn't take it anymore and he got on top of Ginny. He cast a silencing charm on the Common Room and began fingering Ginny through her underwear.

"Oh my god Harry. Please stop!" Ginny screamed with pleasure as Harry's fingers pumped in and out of her. Harry ripped off her underwear and entered her. He moved slowly at first, then he went faster and harder, making Ginny practically cry out with pleasure. Harry releaded himself inside Ginny and collapsed on top of her.

"I love you , Harry." said Ginny

Before Harry could respond, he heard the portrait door open(the silencing charm had worn off).

"HARRY JAMES POTTER! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

Deja was standing in the portrait hole, fury and hurt etched in every line of her beautiful brown face.

DUN DUN DUN!...


	3. Chapter 3

After doing some quick apologizing Deja (which involved modifying her memory, before she could reach her wand and jinx him) Harry got back to the grind of every day Hogwarts life. Ginny, however, would not take her eyes off of Harry, would not let him forget what they had done. Harry tried his best to dodge her, but she was always around. Even Hermione was begining to become a pest, always winking at him when she said good night and after she checked his homework she'd rub his hand while giving it back to him. Harry couldn't understand why they thought he wanted anything more than sex, or did they want more sex, and if that was the case why wouldn't they just ask him! Harry was fed up with girls at the moment, he thought of this as he headed to the pitch on Saturday.**  
** **  
**When Harry came out of his captains office no one was there but Ron. Ron was pulling on his uniform pants, his shirt was still off. Harry could see that Ron must have been working out over the summer, his biceps and triceps buldged as he pulled on a leg.

Where's everyone?

Oh hey Harry, got here a little early, Hermione's been acting strange, you notice?

Umm... no. lied Harry

Yeah...We've had a row, but I'm not apologizing this time, she's in the wrong.

Yeah... you do that ummm Do you know where everyone is?

Not here yet I expect

Ron paused in pulling up his pants to slip his athletic cup into his wizard strap.  
**  
**Harry didn't know what came over him but suddenly his firebolt wasn't the only thing made of wood. As Ron secured his cup into place he looked up at Harry.

This thing is too small, I can barely fit my goblet in here let alone my pumpkin pasrties!

Harry tried to laugh but the only sound that came out of his mouth was an airy moan.

You alright Harry? You look kind of pale...you gotten any lately.

What? Oh no it's not that. Harry managed to laugh. You know me

Yeah I do laughed Ron

Harry couldn't take it anymore, in one breath he pushed Ron against his office door and started kissing him.

Harry! fought Ron**  
** **  
** Harry only kissed him harder, soon Ron stopped fighting and began kissing Harry back. Harry moaned and put his tongue into Ron's mouth. Ron returned the gesture by massaging Harry's tongue with his own. Harry caressed Ron's new muscles and Ron slipped his hand down to Harry's crotch.

Wow! I can feel you mate! You must be huge!

Shhhh... get on your knees

Harry hastily pulled himself out of his pants and wizard strap and revealed his sword of Gryffindor to his best friend. With out hesitation Ron put all of it into his mouth like he was eating in the Great Hall, filling his mouth to an unnatural capacity. He was no where near as good as Hermione or even Deja (which Harry would normally have to beg and plead for her to do), but he was good all the same. Soon Harry lined Ron's belly with warm butterbeer. He got up and was about to fix himself up when Ron laughed:

Hey, return the favor mate!

Harry smiled and sat Ron down on the bench, and kissed a line from his forehead down to his naval (pausing at all the good parts, lips, neck, chest). Then Harry for the first time in his life put a wand in his mouth. The slightest touch made Ron flinch, Harry gained confidence and sucked like a sucker on a blast- ended skrewt. Ron grabbed the back of Harry's head with pleasure.

Where'd you get so good at this mate?**  
** **  
** Harry tried to answer but all that came out was muffled sucking sounds.

Hey don't talk with your mouth full, isn't that what Hermione is always telling me. laughed Ron

Harry laughed in the back of his throat, suddenly Ron spasmed all over.

Do that again mate!**  
** **  
** Harry pulled his wand from his robes and nonverbally made his voice louder. Then he took a deep breath and laughed again in the back of his throat, Ron spasmed uncontrollably as though someone was performing the Cruciatus Curse on him, then he exploded like a Weasley Wizard Wheezes firework.

Harry James Potter, WHAT IN THE NAME OF MERLIN ARE YOU DOING, YOU BASTARD!

It was Deja at the door looking livid, she whipped out her wand and began firing jinxes like no tomorrow at Harry who was in a compromising position, his head in Ron's lap and all.

DEJA IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK! Crap Harry's voice was still magnified, he searched for his wand, Ron had kick it in his orgasm across the room. Harry got to his feet and jumped through the air and landed on it. With a flick he stunned Deja and Ron caught her before she hit the ground.

Phew said both the boys, they hurridly fixed themselves up and stashed Deja in Harry's office in time for the rest of the team to come into the Locker room

What have you two been up to? asked Ginny

Was that a question or an accusation? The boys both looked at each other. They'd have to worry about that later:

Alright you lot get changed quick we've got quidditch to play! said Harry amused


	4. Chapter 4

After Quidditch practice, Harry went into his office to try to explain to Deja, but she wasn't havin' it.

"Deja, I am _so _sorry." said Harry.

"That's what you said when I caught you fucking Ginny!" Deja spat at him. "How many more are there, Harry?"

"What?" Harry asked, dumbfounded.

"You heard me! How many more have you slept with?" Deja demanded.

"There aren't any more. Ginny was the only one." Harry lied.

"You know what I think, Harry? I think you're nothing but a liar and a cheat! I never want to see you again!" Deja said, and with that, she walked off. Harry banged his fists on the wall."DAMN IT!" he yelled.

Meanwhile, Deja was walking down the corridor,very pissed off.

_I'm going to get Harry for this! _she thought._ I'm going to get him for cheating on me.___

Deja saw Draco Malfoy walk past her, and she got an idea.

"Hey, Draco." she said flirtatiously.

"What do you want, Moonwater?" Draco sneered.

"Oh, nothing," Deja said innocently "I was just wondering if you would like to meet me at the Black Lake at, let's say, 9:00?"

"Why?"

Deja began rubbing Draco's arm as she said," Well, I'm getting really bored with Harry, and I need a change."

"Oh really?" Draco asked with a smirk on his face.

"Oh yeah." Deja said slyly.

"Well in that case, see you at 9:00." Draco said, and he walked off.

Well it was 5 minutes to 9:00 and Deja was sitting by the lake. She was wearing a red halter top and a black mini skirt that she borrowed from Lavender Brown. She wore her hair down and was wearing mascara, eyeliner, and a lot of lip had to make herself look as slutty as possible if she wanted her plan to work. Soon, Draco came and sat next to her.

"My, don't you look lovely." Draco said as he began to kiss Deja's neck. Deja pretended to enjoy this and started to moan. She reached down Draco's pants and started to massage him. Draco moaned loudly. He takes off Deja's top and starts massaging her breasts. Draco pointed her wand at Deja and muttered, "_Orgasmio."__  
_Soon Deja began to have mind- blowing orgasms as Draco began to massage her. He then turned her over and entered from behind. Draco proceeded to fuck her like his life depended on it until he released himself her inside her.(don't worry, they used a contraceptive charm). Afterwards, Deja cleaned herself up and went to bed. Little did she know, Pansy Parkinson saw the whole thing from her dormitory window.

"That BITCH!" she muttered to herself.

The next day, Draco had told everyone about his night with Deja. When Harry heard it, he was pissed, and he beat the shit out of Draco and told Deja to stay away fro, him. Pansy, on the other hand, handled things a little differently. When Deja was alone in the corridor, Pansy hexed her and Deja had to go to the hospital wing


	5. Chapter 5

Deja sat lying on her bed in the Hospital Wing, allowing her bruises to heal. She had to stay over night, Pansy had hit her with a tentacle hex and Deja had sprouted all over her body, it would take up to twelve hours for them to shrink into nothing. Harry tried to visit her but Deja pretended to be asleep every time she saw him come into the Wing. Around 5:00 Hermione popped into the hospital wing, Deja thought that she was coming to visit her but Hermione went straight into Madam Pomphrey's office. After a while Hermione came out looking shocked.

"Hey Hermione!" yelled Deja to get Hermione's attention

"Oh Hello Deja, what happened to you?" asked Hermione

"That bitch Parkinson hexed me, I can't wait to get her back." said Deja with a sneer.

"Why'd she hex you?"

"Well... I uh... she saw... Oh you know how Slytherins hate us Gryffindors." Lied Deja

"Yeah..." Said Hermione only she sounded day- dreamy

"Are you alright? Hermione you know you can tell me anything right?" said Deja concerned

Hermione let out a heavy sigh, and in the next breath she was crying onto Deja's shoulder.

"What is it?" said Deja grabbing Hermione

"I'm pregnant!"

"Oh Merlin I'm sorry Hermione." sympathized Deja

"It's not that, I'm excited about the baby!"

"Well why are you crying girl?" Laugh Deja relieved

"I don't want to break you heart..." cried Hermione

"What? what are you talking about Hermione?"

Just then Ginny and Deja's cousin Lish walked into the Hospital Wing.

"I'm Pregnant with Harry's Baby! "yelled Hermione " Oh Deja I'm so sorry..."

"WHAT? "yelled both Ginny and Deja at the same time.

"YOU slept with Harry too?" yelled Ginny

"What? You slept with Harry?" said Hermione confused

"OH HELL NO!" yelled Deja

"Oh snap." said Lish under her breath

Deja leaped up from her bed and started chasing Hermione around the Wing. She caught her around another bed and layed her fist into Hermione's face. After she had torn out most Hermione's hair she lifted her foot to kick Hermione in her stomach.

"Don't Deja I'm pregnant!" pleaded Hermione

It seemed to take all of Deja's strength to put her leg down, but she did and turned to face Ginny. She whipped out her wand and started casting jinxes and hexes and blowing up things around her.

"Stop! I'm pregnant too!" yelled Ginny

"You are?" said Deja, Hermione, and Lish at the same time

"Yeah I've got to go... "and with that Ginny left the scene at the Hospital Wing. _I've got to get pregnant somehow_ she thought. Suddenly she saw her ex boyfriend Dean Thomas walking down the corridor in her direction. She had an idea...

"Ginny how's it go- What in the name of Merlin's happened to your face? "said Dean frightened

"Just a few bumps and scratches" laughed Ginny ( Ginny was sporting a back eye, a busted lip and her eye brows were gone) "Dean I want you!"

"What? said a confused Dean"

"Do me now!"

Ginny grabbed Dean and started stroking his gardening hoe getting ready to work. Dean tried to kiss her but she pulled away she had work to do, no time for foreplay. Once little Dean was paying attention, Ginny pushed him to the floor and straddled him. She rode and rode and rode until Dean looked like he had been confounded and she knew she was finished. Ginny got up and walked away leaving Dean to call after her.

When she got to the Common Room Ginny saw a pissed Deja, a sobbing Hermione, a daze Harry, and a piteful Ron.

"I don't believe these babies are Harry's" said Deja sternly "We're goin on the Rubeus Hagid show for a paternity test!"

DUN DUN DUN...


	6. Chapter 6

Nine months have passed and Hermione and Ginny had their babies. Hermione had a son named Alexander and Ginny had a son named Julian. Deja still hadn't forgiven Hermione for sleeping with Harry, and you know she will NEVER forgive Ginny. Deja was speaking to Harry again, but he still wasn't quite out of the woods. They all decided to go on the Rubeus Hagrid show(It's the wizard version of the Maury show. Yep! Hagrid got his own talk show!) to get paternity tests. THe future of Deja and Harry's relationship depended on the results. Harry was certain he wan't the father of Ginny's baby since she is considered the "Gryffinwhore", but he was uncertain about Hermione's child.

* On Rubeus*

Hagrid: Good Mornin' Wizards and Witches! Welcome to my show!

*Applause and cheering*

Hagrid: Everyone let's welcome Ginny to the show.

*Applause*

Hagrid: Ginny is here to prove to Harry-that's righ'-Harry Potter, and Dean, that one of them is the father of 1 month old Julian.

*Screen shows picture of Julian*

Audience: AWWWWWWWW

Hagrid: But Harry says there's no way he's the father because Ginny slept with him AND Dean around the same time she got pregnant. He also says that she everyone calls her "Gryffinwhore".

Audience:OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!

Hagrid: So, Ginny why do you think Harry's denying your baby?

Ginny:Because of his bitch girlfriend, Deja!

Deja(from backstage): Oh HELL no, bitch! Just wait till I come out there and beat your ass you nasty ho!

Audience:OOOOOHHH!

Ginny: Bitch!

Deja: Gryffinwhore!

Audience: *laughing* OOOOOOHHHHH!

Hagrid: Ginny, before we bring Harry out, this is what he, and Deja, had to say. Watch this.

* Harry's Video*

Harry: Ginny, today I am going to prove once and for all that I am NOT the father of your baby!

Deja: Ginny's nothing but a nasty triflin bitch! Anybody could be her baby's daddy!

Ginny: Oh HELL no!

Deja: Ginny just wants Harry back, but he don't want her nasty ass! He loves ME, not you Ginny!

Harry: Ginny, when the test comes back and says that I'm not the father, leave me and Deja ALONE!

*End of Video*

Audience:OOOOOOOOHHHHHH!

Ginny: Bring their asses out RIGHT NOW!

Hagrid: Ok, let's bring out Harry and Deja!

*Some cheering and booing*

Deja: You need to sit your little ass down! He's not that baby's father!

Ginny: Yes he is bitch, and when the test comes back, you are going to kiss my ass!

Deja: Whatever bitch!

*Ginny slaps Deja and before Deja could retaliate, security intervenes*

Hagrid: Ok that's enough! We don't need anyone getting hurt! Ginny, this is what Dean has to say.

*Dean's Video*

Dean: Ginny, I am not the father of that damn baby! When the test proves that I'm not the father, leave me the hell alone!

*End of Video!

Hagrid: Let's bring out Dean!

*Booing*

Hagrid: Ok, Dean. Why don't you think you're the father of that baby?

Dean: Because first of all, that child doesn't even look like me. And second, she's a ho!

Audience:OOOOHHHHHHHHH!

Ginny: You weren't saying that when you slept with me!

Audience:OOOOOOHHHHH!

Hagrid: Before we read the results*audience cheers*, Ginny, your mother wanted me to give this to you*Gives Ginny a Howler*

*Ginny opens envelope, Howler explodes*

Mrs. Weasley: _GINNY! YOU BETTER PRAY TO MERLIN THAT ONE OF THESE MEN IS THE FATHER OF THAT BABY! BECAUSE IF NEITHER OF THEM ARE THE FATHER, OH YOU JUST WAIT TILL YOU GET BACK HOME! I DID NOT RAISE YOU TO BE SOME SLUT! AND I CERTAINLY DIDN'T RAISE YOU TO EMBARASS US ON TELEVISON IN FRONT OF MILLIONS OF PEOPLE!___

*Howler rips itself up into little pieces and burst into flames*

Hagrid:Ok, so in the case of 1 month old Julian, Harry, you are NOT the father!

*Ginny starts to cry*

Deja: I told you bitch!

Hagrid: Dean, you are NOT the father!

*Dean gets up and starts dancing all over the stage*

Dean: I told you I wasn't the father! I told you!

Audience: *Cheering and laughing*

Harry: *to audience* I told you she was a ho! *kisses Deja* I love you.

Deja: I love you, too.

*Ginny runs off stage crying. Hagrid goes after her*

Deja: Yeah you better run bitch!

Hagrid: Ginny it's Ok. We can help find the father if you want us to.

Ginny: I think I know who it is.

Hagrid: Who?

Ginny: Neville

Hagrid: Isn't he in the audience? With Luna, who is your best friend?

Ginny: Yeah

Hagrid: Ok, let's go back out

*Ginny and Hagrid come back on stage*

Hagrid: Neville, can you come down please?

Audience:OOOOOOHHHHH!

Neville: Why?

Hagrid: Ginny says you might be a possible father.

Neville and Luna: WHAT?

Luna: Ginny, why the hell are you having my boyfriend tested?

Ginny: Luna, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you.

Luna: WHEN?

Ginny: Huh?

Luna: Don't play dumb with my bitch! When did you sleep with Neville!

Ginny: Um...the night after he proposed to you.

Audience: OOOOOOHHHHH!

Luna gets out her her chair and beats the shit out of Ginny. When Luna wasn't looking, Neville tries to escape. Unfortunately, his timing was off. He gets his ass kicked as well. Afterwards, Luna takes off the engagement ring and throws it at Neville and storms out of the studio, with the audience cheering her on.

Hagrid: Ok, we'll be back after these messages.

*After Commercials*

Hagrid: Let's welcome Hermione and Ron to the show. Last night we gave both Ron AND Harry a paternity test for 1 month old Alexander, and I now have the results.

*Audience cheers*

Hagrid: Are you guys ready?

Deja,Harry,Ron,and Hermione: Yeah

Hagrid: Ok, in the case of 1 month old Alexander, Ron, you are NOT the father.

Audience:AWWWWWW

*Ron breaks down and cries*

Hermione:*crying* Ron, I'm so sorry.

Hagrid: Harry you ARE the father!

Audience: OOOOHHHHHHHHH!

Deja was furious. She takes off her shoes and her earrings. Ron said he didn't care that Harry was the father because he loved Harry and he loved Alexander. After Ron said that, Deja just went crazy and beat Ron to a bloody pulp. Hermione was trying to hide under her chair, but Deja reached under and grabbed Hermione by the hair and beat her ass too. Then she took out her wand and pointed it at Harry. Without speaking, she made Harry's pants unbuckle by themselves and fall to his ankles along with his underwear. Deja then pointed her wand at Harry's penis and muttered "_Pene Shrivellus"._ Harry's member began to shrink rapidly, and then it shrivelled like a prune. The audience practically pissed their pants laughing. Harry was mortified. He just had his dick shrunk on national television.

DUN DUN DUN!...


	7. Chapter 7

Harry, Ron, Hermione, Deja, Ginny, Neville, Luna, and Dean all piled onto the Knight Bus to return back to school from the show. No one was talking, no one was looking at any one, and more importantly no one was touching.

Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks were escorting the group back to Hogwarts. Indeed they felt the uncomfortable tension and tried to lighten up the mood.

How's it hangin Harry? laughed Lupin. Tonks cleared her throat loudly and kicked Lupin as Harry buried his face in his hands.

Sorry Harry. Said Tonks

Oh shut the fuck up, Tonks! He deserved every bit of what he got! Yelled Deja

Hey Bitch don't talk to Tonks like that! screamed Ginny

I'll kick you and her bony asses, bitch! I ain't the one to be played with right now! retaliated Deja

Girls! Girls! Calm down! Enough is enough. said Tonks once Deja and Ginny stopped giving each other dirty looks Tonks looked to Lupin.

Listen everyone, you have to put this all behind you. You're young, you make mistakes...I mean babies are big mistakes...but mistakes none the less. I think a few apologies are in order.

Everyone looked to Harry. He realized that they all thought this was his fault. Instead of fighting it, he stepped up and took responsibility apologizing to every person on the bus.

Good Harry. Said Lupin smiling. Anyone else want to say something?

Yeah I'm sorry that Deja is a fucked up bitch who can't control her man! snapped Ginny

And I'm sorry Ginny is a dirty whore who'll screw anything that walks, Gryffinwhore! yelled Deja

No one knew what to do at that moment, it seemed as though the two girls were about to go at each other, but instead Ginny and Deja bust out laughing and gave each other long loving hugs.

That's it! That's the way to do it! celebrated Lupin, then they all spent the rest of the trip on a happier note.

Meanwhile, Deja's cousin Lish was at school watching the show on TV. She laughed so hard she peed on her self five times, the fifth time however she ran to the bathroom and missed Harry's broomstick being shrunk. Lish couldn't fathom why everyone had went so crazy over Harry, he couldn't have been that great in bed...or could he?

Lish was happily in a relationship with the Weasley twins, Fred and George. She had hooked up with one of them at a party but didn't know which so the next time she saw one of them again she hooked up with him again. It turned out she had hooked up with both of them so she thought hey what the heck two are better than one! The twins didn't mind they were used to sharing everything: clothes, books, classes, dreams, ambitons, goals, why should a girl be different? Needless to say they all were very sexually satisfied. Yet Lish couldn't help but feel some form of curiosity about what Harry was like in bed...

When they returned to the school, Lish waited for them. She saw Harry walking up the grounds. Lish was carrying his Firebolt (Fred and George had gotten it for her, since she was in Ravenclaw), and her own Firebolt, it was well know that they were the best flyers at Hogwarts both seekers.

Hey Potter saw the show. You look like you could use a fly! Said Lish as she greeted everyone.

Excellent! You're right Lish...Deja, honey, could you take my things up I'm going to have a quick flight with Lish. Said Harry sweetly to Deja

No problem, sweetheart. said Deja to Harry. They must have resolved to be nice to each other on the bus.

Harry took is firebolt from Lish and mounted it, Lish did the same and they kicked off at the same time. Lish could feel the breeze lifting up her skirt, she often wore skirts when she went flying with Harry but they were such cool friends it never really bothered him...so she thought.

You really got yourself into a pickle huh Harry? laughed Lish

Yeah Lish I have...I just hope I'm as good at parenting as I am at flying. laughed Harry

Or as good as you are at fucking!

What? said Harry almost losing control of his broom.

All of those girls fighting over you, even Ron, you must have some good moves. Laughed Lish

I don't know if I do or not. Said Harry Diving down to the ground at full speed, pulling out at the last moment.

You should have done that when you were banging Hermione. Laughed Lish

Harry laughed, it was good talking to Lish, she made everything funny and easy.

So would you like me to tell you? said Lish with a weird smile Harry had never seen her use, it was sexy .

What?

I could tell you if you've got good moves or not. said Lish

What?

Come on Harry I'm curious! I'm the only person in Hogwarts who hasn't slept with you!

Not true! laughed Harry

Well I'll be honest, we're flying buddies, quidditch pals, you can definately trust me.

Harry thought it over a minute, Lish was a friend he knew wouldn't betray him. He was curious also to see what the fuss was all about. Lish could tell him exactly what he was good at.

Alright. said Harry and he landed

Lish landed beside him and Harry took her and started to kiss her. She was great at it, why hadn't he kissed her before?

Not bad, you're a pretty good kisser, actually you're great! laughed Lish

Harry pulled her closer and began to cop-a-feel he moved his hands down her back and onto her round buttocks sqeezing slightly. Then he raised his wand and muttered _Levicorpus!_ Lish flipped upside down and Harry began to devour her Devil's Snare as he palmed her breast.

Merlin Harry, you're a Genius! moan Lish

Soon Lish reached Her climaxing point. She began to scream.

Oh Harry! Harry! Take me now!

With that Harry let her down and got on top of her.

Come on Harry Take me! Yes Take Me! Lish yelled louder

Harry began to pump with all his might hoping he could beat the bludger better than Fred and George.

Come on Harry! Don't keep me waiting! I want you! yelled Lish

What? said Harry confused

Go on stick it in, I'm ready for you! moaned Lish

I'm...I'm...I'm already in! said Harry

What? said Lish looking down. Then she burst into laughter. Harry had forgotten his shriviled penis!

Oh God, there's no way! No Way! laughed Lish and with that she pushed Harry off of her got up, mounted her broom and flew away.

Hey Moonwater! yelled Lish across the Great Hall five minutes later.

Hey Lish, sup? said Deja happily

I just wanted to say I'm sorry. said Lish

About what?

About the size of your boyfirends firebolt, how the heck did he get all of you guys fighting over him? He's smaller than a pixy's toenail! laughed Lish

What Bitch! You slept with Harry? When? yelled Deja

No need to call names, Moonwater. Just now, I mean if you could call what just happened sex! laughed Lish.

Just then Harry walked into the Great Hall, Deja spotted him and started kicking the shit out of him. She beat every inch she could reach including the inch in his pants.

Oy, Deja! Why are you beating the shit out of Harry? said Fred and George

He slept with Lish! said Deja not resting in her hitting to respond

What? exclaimed the twins

I wouldn't call it sex, he was lousy, his penis is all of 3/4 of an inch! laughed Lish expecting the twins to laugh with her. Instead they looked mutinous and pushed Deja aside and started to wail on Harry themselves. Harry resembled a bloodied severed hand when they were done, then they rounded on Lish.

What's wrong honies? she said

We're gonna make you pay for this you little ho! said the Twins

Well can we have sex first becuase I'm all randy from what just happened with Harry, and like I said before, he didn't finish the job.

...Fine but after that we're going to make you pay! said the twins as they led Lish out of the Great Hall. Lish turned to Deja scowling as she exited, mouthing the word _Bitch_.

DUN DUN DUN...


	8. Chapter 8

After they had a quickie with Lish, Fred and George go to the Burrow by Floo Powder. No one else is there except for Fleur Delacour, their bother Bill's wife.

" 'Allo Fred. 'Allo George." Fleur says in her French accent, smiling.

"Hello, Fluer." Fred and George say together.

"Would you like some tea?" asks Fleur.

"Sure." Said Fred, smiling mishieviously at his twin.

Fleur pours tea for Fred and George, and she pours some for herself. She tells them she has to go to the bathroom and that she'll be right back. When Fleur leaves, George pours a couple drops of lust potion from their joke shop into Fleur's tea. When Fleur comes back, they drink their tea and talk about everything going on at Hogwarts. They also tell Fleur about the situation with Ginny.

"I know. I saw zee show. That was 'orrible what Deja did to 'Arry." said Fleur in disgust.

"Yeah, but he deserved it after he cheated on her." Fred said.

After 5 minutes of talking about the show, the lust potion began to take effect. Fleur suddenly takes off her dress and walks over to the twins. She starts to make out with George while Fred starts fondling her breasts, making Fleur moan. He takes two fingers and inserts them inside of Fleur. This drove Fleur crazy. George unbuttoned his pants and slid into Fleur.

"Oh, God, George! Yes! Don't stop!" she screamed

George continued to pound into Fleur while she starts to scream in French.

"Move over. It's my turn." said Fred.

After George releases himself inside Fleur(they used a contraceptive charm), Fred starts to pound into her, while Fleur continues to scream. Suddenly...

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS GOING ON HERE?"

Bill had just gotten home from work and had just caught his twin brothers gang-banging his wife.

"Bill! It's not what it looks like!" said Fleur, quickly putting her clothes back on.

"The hell it isn't! I come home from and find my brothers fucking my wife, and it's not what it looks like?" Bill yelled.

"Bill, we can explain-"

POW!

Bill had just punched Fred square in the jaw, making Fred fall to the floor. Bill's rage takes over as he slowly transform into a werewolf, and attacks the twins. Luckily, only sporting a few scratches and bruises, they make it out of the house alive.

*2 DAYS LATER*

Arthur Weasley had just gotten home from work after a long day at the Ministry. He wanted a little evening pick-me-up from his wife, if you get my drift.

" MOLLY, I'M HOME!"

came downstairs, wearing a purple nightgown.

"Hello, Arthur." she said, giving Mr. Weasley a peck on the cheek. "How was work?"

"Long." replied Mr. Weasley.

"Oh."

"But I know something that would make me feel better." Mr. Weasley said as he pulled his wife close to him.

"Arthur, not tonight. I'm tired." said Mrs Weasley.

"You're always tired! Every night it's the same excuse! 'Arthur, I'm tired', 'I'm not in the mood', 'My head hurts' ! No night will ever be good for you!" Mr. Weasley spat.

"Arthur, you know how stressed I am taking care of things for the Order!" said .

"Whatever." said Mr. Weasley as he headed towards the door.

"Where do you think you're going?" demanded Mrs. Weasley.

"Out." said Mr. Weasley, and he left.

decided to go to The Three Broomsticks for a drink. Then he saw Rita Skeeter next to him. They started talking and getting pissy ass drunk. After they left the pub, they had sex in a nearby alley. The next morning, Rita wrote details of her and 's rendevous in the _Daily Prophet_. Mrs. Weasley found out and beat Mr. Weasley to a bloody pulp. Bill and Charlie had to stop her from killing him.


	9. Chapter 9

After what had happened with the Weasley family was resolved there were still more important issues at hand. Pansy Parkinson was not over the fact that Deja had slept with Malfoy. It seemed that Malfoy couldn't either, he was always looking at Deja licking his lips, bragging that she was the best witch he had ever done. Pansy was pissed and only knew one sure way to get back at Deja...

She went to the Dark Lord's hide out, and begged to see him. She told him all about what had happened to her and how she wanted Malfoy and Deja dead.

"Deja, Deja Moonwater, Harry Potter's girlfirend?" asked the Dark Lord pensively

"Yeah the very same... ha! I doubt that they're going out now that Harry's knocked up that mudblood Granger"! laughed Pansy

"Harry Potter has a child?" asked Voldermort eyebrows raised

"Yeah it was all over televison, didn't you see it?"

"I don't watch TV I have a world to destroy people to kill you know that old grind." said Voldermort remorsefully

"Well yeah, that little baby boy was born into a world full of chaos I tell you!"

"He's born already! Why didn't you say this before?" yelled Voldermort

"I didn't think it mattered." said Pansy frightened

"There is so much work to be done!" said Voldermort plottingly

"But...But what about Draco and Deja...won't you..."

"Foolish girl there are more important things than your silly relationship problems! get out of my sight!" demanded Voldermort

Pansy ran from the room and left Voldermort in deep thought.

Meanwhile things were at rocks bottom between Deja and Lish. Cousins they were but they loathed every inch of each other. Deja also was starting to feel a burning sensation when she went to the bathroom...She had slept with Harry since he "slept" with Lish could she have contracted something? Only one way to find out...

"Applause"

"Welcome to the Albus Dumbledore show, I'm Albus Dumbledore and Today's guest say that they contracted sexually transmitted disease from their cousin."

Audience: OHHHHHHHHHH

"Everyone meet Deja. Deja, what's going on?"

"Well Dumbledore, I've got this man you might know him Harry Potter?"

Audience: Harry Potter! Oh Shit! Not Him!

"Quiet down everyone! And what did he do?" asked Dumbledore

"He slept with my cousin Lish!" said Deja producing fake tears

Audience: NOOOOOOO!

"And why are you here?" asked Dumbledore

"I think that that bitch gave my man the Bubotuber Pus Virus (wizard equivalent of Herpes type 2) And he gave it to me!"

Audience: Nooooo! OHHHHH

"Well let's bring out your boyfriend Harry"

The Audience boos as Harry walks onto stage his head down, he couldn't believe he was on national televison again!

"Harry what do you have to say for yourself?" questioned Sumble Dumbledore

"I don't know what she's talking about. I didn't really umm...you know... do  
it with Lish." responded Harry

"Lish is Deja's cousin am I correct?"

"Yeah... she's a nice girl we didn't really do anything"

"Oh don't you lie! You know your dirty ass slept with that trick bitch. She's

Dirty as hell and I bet that's where I got this shit from!" yelled Deja

"Oh hell No !" yelled Lish from Offstage, she runs onstage picks up a chair and hits Deja as hard as she can with it. "Bitch don't talk about me like that!"

Deja get's up and starts moving like a boxer

"I'm gonna whoop that ass bitch!First you screw my man and now you put your hands on me!" yell Deja

"I didn't put my hands on you! I put a chair on you! What you gonna do about it huh?"

"Beat that ass! that's what I'm gonna do!"

The two girls run at each other Deja swings and Lish grabs for her hair. Before they connect Kingsley Shacklebolt the show's security gaurd steps in between them. Harry pulls Lish kicking and screaming away, as Kingsley pushes Deja against the wall.

"I'm calm just let me go!" yells Deja

Kingsley let's her go and Deja runs at Lish again. Harry who was blocking Lish gets hit in the face as both girls swing at each other.

"Dirty Bitch!" Yells Deja

"Dirty? You're the on who's dirty I don't have the Bobotuber Pus Virus!" yelled lish Back

Audience: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH

"What? If You don't have it and Harry doesn't have it who does?" said Deja Confused

"I do!"

The audience and everyone else on stage turn to see Draco Malfoy walk onto stage.

"We shared something special that night Deja! I shared my virus when you shared your couldron cake!" yelled Draco over the audiences rabble

"Oh hell no!" yelled Harry Leaping over the fighting girls and onto Malfoy pulling his wand out and pointing it at his heart

"I'll kill you Malfoy!"

"Get him off me!" screamed Draco

"That's what you get dirty bitch! you sleep around on your man and you get a virus! Ha!" laughed Lish

Soon the girls go back to fighting as Harry and Draco commence Deuling. Kinglsey and a team of aurors storm the stage and try in vain to seperate everyone...

DUN DUN DUN... 


	10. Chapter 10

Things got worse after the show. Deja and Lish wouldn't even look at each other, let alone speak to each other. Deja was still pissed at Harry for sleeping with Lish. Right after they resolve everything with Ginny, Ron, and Hermione, he goes and sleeps with her own _cousin._ And Harry was pretty mad at Deja. Not just for sleeping with Draco, but the fact that she may have given Harry a sexually transmitted disease.

Meanwhile, Voldemort was putting his plan into motion.

"Ok,Severus. I need you to sneak into the nursery and kidnap Harry's baby." he said

"Yes, My Lord." replied Snape.

"But you must not let yourself be seen. We must be discreet as possible." Voldemort said smoothly.

"Yes, master." Snape said.

*********************************************

It was late and all the students have went their dormitories. Snape went into the Hogwarts nursery and saw two cradles. One had Alexander, Hermione and Harry's son, and the other had Julian, which was Ginny's baby(she still haven't found her baby's father. What a slut!). It was dark so Snape couldn't really see. He went over to Julian's cradle and pick him up. He put a silencing charm on him so the baby's cries wouldn't wake anyone up. After kidnapping the baby, he went to Lord Voldemort. Little did he know, he kidnapped the wrong kid. (dumbass!)

*Meanwhile, at Voldemort's lair*

"I have the Potter child, My Lord." said Snape, handing Julian to Voldemort.

"Excellent. Now we just have to wait for Potter to come to the rescue, and then we kil him, and the little brat." said Voldemort, laughing evilly.

Voldemort made a cradle and put the baby in it. Julian began to cry.

"Shut up!" snarled Voldemort, and the baby shut up immediately.

*Back at Hogwarts*

"HEELLLPPP! HELP! MY BABY'S GONE!"

Harry, Ron, Hermione, Lish, and Deja rushed to the nursery.

"What happened?" Hermione asked.

"Well, I came to the nursery to feed Julian, and he was nowhere to be found!" Ginny sobbed.

"There, there. It's going to be okay." said Deja, hugging Ginny.

"We'll help you get Julian back." said Ron.

"You will?" asked Ginny, drying her tears.

"Of course! He's my nephew!" said Ron.

"But how are we going to find him if we don't even know where to look?" asked Harry.

"Pansy." said Deja.

"What makes you think Pansy has something to do with it?" Harry asked, confused.

"Well, I overheard her talking to Malfoy about Voldemort having some kind of plan. But I think if we beat it out of her, we can find out where Julian is." said Deja.

"Good idea." everyone said at once.

They all went to find Pansy. After Hermione, Deja, and Lish(Ginny was too hysterical to do anything) repeatedly beat Pansy's ass, she finally told them where Voldemort was. They all traveled to Voldemort's lair by Floo Powder. When they got there, they saw Julian in a cradle.

"Julian!" Ginny cried, running to grab her baby.

"What do you all think you're doing?" said a high, cold voice.

Everyone turned around. Voldemort was standing in front them, his wand raised.

Harry raised his wand and he began to duel with Voldemort. Voldemort points his wand at Deja and yells, "_Crucio!" ___

Deja screamed as she felt like she was being stabbed by a thousand knives.

"LEAVE HER ALONE!" Harry bellowed.

"Fine. You either give me your life, or watch your girlfriend die a painful, agonizing death." Voldemort snarled.

Harry didn't say anything to Voldemort. He just nodded. He then turned to Deja and said, "Deja, I just want to let you know that I am sorry. I'm sorry for cheating on you, several times. I'm sorry for getting Hermione pregnant. And, I am also sorry for sleeping with your cousin. I love you."

"I love you too, Harry." Deja said through tears.

Voldemort pointed his wand at Harry. But before he could say "_Avada Kedavra"_ Harry used the curse on him. Voldemort was finally dead, and the Wizarding world was safe again.


	11. Chapter 11

The Dark Lord was dead and all was well in the wizarding world, only in the walls of Hogwarts was there utter chaos!

"Deja forgive me please!" pleaded Harry

"I don't know if I can!" replied Deja

"Please, Deja. I want you to be one and only." said Harry getting down on one knee.

"Oh God..." gasped Deja

"Would you make me the happiest wizard on this earth?" said Harry his eyes twinkling

"I don't know Harry. How could I trust..."

"I'll marry you Harry!" interrupted Ginny

Deja grabbed Ginny by her hair and pulled her out of the way and said: "Yes let's get married!"

The wedding was scheduled for that Saturday (Deja didn't want anything to happen before they could tie the knot) so they had five days to prepare. Deja was making her dress, Hermione was handling the decorations (you know how she lived for organization and planning) and Harry and Ron took care of the kids. Lish and Ginny were too busy running errands for Deja and Hermione in preparation for the wedding they had no time to sleep with anyone's boyfriend or fiancé.

"Deja," said Lish the day before the wedding. "I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am for sleeping with Harry. I didn't realize how it would hurt you. Any way Fred and George and I are back together and we're happy, so I won't be sleeping with him anytime soon." Both girls laughed

"I'm nervous...we're going to be together for the first time as a married couple tomorrow. And I still have this umm...well you know." confided Deja

"Oh girl, that's why you have a cousin like me! You know I'm pre-Healer!" Laughed Lish

"You mean you might be able to fix it?" said Deja

"Might? Girl I can have you're cauldron cake so fresh it'll seem like it just came off the cooling rack if you know what I mean!" laughed Lish.

Deja and Lish laughed as Lish Healed Deja.

The ceremony was beautiful. Everyone in the whole wizarding world was happy to see Harry Potter Happy. Instead of jumping the broom they used Voldermort's body, just to prove he was really dead, and because it was fun. Everyone cried when the couple said I Do.

"I love you Deja."said Harry on their wedding night.

"I love you too, Harry."

Deja and Harry moved close to one another and began to kiss. They were in a private Dormitory, so that they could spend more time with each other until school ended. Harry removed Deja from her delicate hand crafted dress and marveled at his good fortune. Deja began to undress harry slowly removing his tie and jacket. His shirt and undershirt, and when she got to the pants she remembered something. Deja pulled her wand from her garter belt and said _Pene Restoro! _amd with that the newlyweds consummated their marriage.

The end


End file.
